Authenticity in a relationship is really hard to find, but it's so sweet once it's found. I've been blessed with some very authentic friends... friends that let down, that make mistakes, that mess up, that aren't always Christ-like. But they're real.
I guess, in general, I like to try and give people the benefeit of the doubt.
Maybe not so much I like to do it... but I feel like they don't deserve anything other than that.
Trust is an interesting thing, though. When people open up to you about things - about how they've lied to other people, or when people let their guard down completely after a while and they feel like it's 'ok to gossip' - sometimes I can't help but to wonder.
There's a difference, though - between a Christian and a non-Christian - or someone blatantly straining to act like a Christian and believe Christian things. There's really no excuse for believers, I think. There's no excuse for being worldly, for participating in the dealings and the social acts of the world, for blending in and making excuses. No, there's no room for that.
It's important to remember, though, that non-believers don't have the Holy Spirit. I think we believers tend to think otherwise, and I believe that's faulty thinking, unfit for ministry.
So then, there's more leniance, as there ought to be. Because we're never called to be separate from the world. And there's the opportunity to have good friendships with the people of the world - within (and maybe a bit beyond) reason, I think.
Even so, it's never surprising to see how long or how quick the make up comes off. When they stop straining. When they're real. When they're real, that's when real work can begin.
Among other things, we're called to show God's grace in the world. I think that's only limited in how much of God's grace we've really experienced.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
thoughts 5
I remember not too long ago (when I was more buff) deciding with some old friends of mine to hike to the top of one of the mountain trails that resided east a little ways from the small Orange County suburb that we grew up in. It was part of the Saddleback/Santa Ana Mountain range - the trail (or at least the beginning of the trail) was known as the Holy Jim trail.
I think there were a lot of time that I, as a kid, looked at the mountains from the deceptive distance of my parents' second story window and really didn't think a whole lot of it. When I got older, I think I took note of how the sun setting in the west would cast some pretty awesome colors onto the age old mountain range. But I still didn't care much more than to affirm that they were there, in the distance.
When I became a Christian, one of the strangest changes that happened in me that maybe sometimes I really overlook was my sudden love (craving) for the outdoors. Maybe with school studies and other things that tend to occupy the majority of my time, I don't get out and hike or camp as much as I really want to. But I definitely remember being in community college, all of a sudden finding myself at this trail from time to time, more and more frequently, hiking to the water fall, finding hidden silver mines, playing with the newts - anything and everything. We all loved going to Holy Jim, for some reason.
But I really, really wanted to hike to the top. I guess the urge to get to the top of that thing built and built until we finally went and did it towards the beginning of last summer.
And it's always so funny to me, how God seems to bring things full circle all the time. And when you start to think that particular circle might have reached it's end, you realize that the circle was much bigger than you originally thought. Sometimes that circle started decades before you were even born.
I learned a lot of things from that trip. Even today, I'm still learning.
It was more than just a silly hike with some good childhood friends. It was more than just my trying to prove something. It was one of those hard lessons in life, that was so visual, so hands on, so parallel to everything I'm learning or I'd been learning up to that point that - as crazy as it seemed - would be even crazier for me to ignore.
One of the greatest things that I learned, though, was that a team - any team - needs a strong leader - not physically, no. But a strong leader, whose strength is best shown by his commitment to empowering his team to reach a particular goal, and his ability to do so, realizing that his position is to lead from the front, from behind, and from within the team. I learned that his team is only as strong as it's weakest member, and past of his commitment to serving his team encompasses the empowerment of the weakest member to succeed in making it to the top.
I learned that if there hadn't been a strong leader, no one would've made it to the top. I learned that a leader needs to convey the vision properly to his team. And I learned that the leader takes at the very least EVERY single step his team takes to make it to their destination, but a good leader will usually take more so - and it's not always forward.
In our success, I learned how I failed - in in my failure, I learned how to better succeed.
One thing was for sure, though: A leader should have some good sense as to what he's up against, but he should also be readying both himself and the entire team for the possibility (or inevitability) of encountering the unknown.
None of us had hiked this mountain, before. But I wasn't unfamiliar with what it took to hike to the top. Hiking wasn't foreign to me. Neither were physical demands of the mountain and the sun as they worked together against my body.
See, we'd seen the mountain from a distance for a long, long time. We'd eventually started coming closer and closer to the summit, venturing further and further in. But none of us tasted the reality of the venture to the top until we'd gone further than we'd ever gone before, and made the conscious decision not to turn back.
At any rate, we made it to the top. I learned more about my friends, that day, from the long periods of silence than I'd learned from most of our conversations up to that point.
This past month has been very affirming. The reality of where the Lord is taking us is getting closer and closer. I'm starting to see the trail head... And I'm realizing there really won't be any kind of map. Just a narrow road, from here on out. And the further we get in, the closer we will all get to the point of no return.
Friday, January 23, 2009
the orphan, the widow, the damned
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090123/ap_on_re_eu/eu_belgium_stabbings
particularly gruesome...
almost unbelievable. I wish I was a super hero, sometimes. I would find this guy and make him eat his knife through his nose.
"(It's) something you hear about from America, not here," said bake shop owner Bie Hoornaert.
particularly gruesome...
almost unbelievable. I wish I was a super hero, sometimes. I would find this guy and make him eat his knife through his nose.
"(It's) something you hear about from America, not here," said bake shop owner Bie Hoornaert.
half year intervals
There's really something about all of this...
I mean, when everything just kind of falls into place...
She makes me feel like I can take on the entire world. That's a girlfriend to praise God for, for sure.
I mean, when everything just kind of falls into place...
She makes me feel like I can take on the entire world. That's a girlfriend to praise God for, for sure.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Brown Jug
It's amazing how much we seem to strive to avoid any hint of post-modern thought or anything that could even give off a hint of the emergent movement outwardly, but we don't realize how subdtly it exists in our individual lives, or even as believers.
I think about that, sometimes.
Even though it can be stained and tarnished, depraved and self-pleasing, there's still nothing quite like the love of a child. That kind of love, the kind of earthly love that we can experience, is only rivaled by the love of a parent. The love that a mother has for her child - it's a real love - something that can't be denied if it's really there.
It speaks louder than words, that kind of love.
And there's nothing quite like that look in a mother's eyes - a look of loving concern for her child. Sometimes, you've gotta be able to see what people are 'really' saying. Maybe it's dangerous for me to say that.
When a mother is telling you that she's ok, that she doesn't need help, she means well and wants to do the right thing... but sometimes what she's really saying, what her and the entire situation is saying is this:
"I live an hour away from here. I'm a single mother, I'm working hard to get a good education and I'm spending a lot of money because I need to take advantage of this opportunity that the Lord has given me. Things are hard, times are hard, I love my son much more than I love anything or anyone else in this world. Even though this crisis is so small, my situation is so desparate that I don't know how to ask you to become a part of this because I barely even know you."
Maybe that's post-modern thought? Maybe it's reading between the lines?
Maybe it's better than saying "Go, be warm and be filled" ? Than saying "Well God bless you," and leaving?
I think about that, sometimes.
Even though it can be stained and tarnished, depraved and self-pleasing, there's still nothing quite like the love of a child. That kind of love, the kind of earthly love that we can experience, is only rivaled by the love of a parent. The love that a mother has for her child - it's a real love - something that can't be denied if it's really there.
It speaks louder than words, that kind of love.
And there's nothing quite like that look in a mother's eyes - a look of loving concern for her child. Sometimes, you've gotta be able to see what people are 'really' saying. Maybe it's dangerous for me to say that.
When a mother is telling you that she's ok, that she doesn't need help, she means well and wants to do the right thing... but sometimes what she's really saying, what her and the entire situation is saying is this:
"I live an hour away from here. I'm a single mother, I'm working hard to get a good education and I'm spending a lot of money because I need to take advantage of this opportunity that the Lord has given me. Things are hard, times are hard, I love my son much more than I love anything or anyone else in this world. Even though this crisis is so small, my situation is so desparate that I don't know how to ask you to become a part of this because I barely even know you."
Maybe that's post-modern thought? Maybe it's reading between the lines?
Maybe it's better than saying "Go, be warm and be filled" ? Than saying "Well God bless you," and leaving?
thoughts 4
(side note: There's some pizza on my desk that I've been nibbling on for a couple of minutes, now. It's been here in a take-out box from the caf since lunch. I know that's gross... I'm just so hungry, though. But I think I'm going to stop)
I had a good talk with a friend, just now, standing in the door way. For the short duration of the actual talk, we probably talked outselves out - provided it was the end of the night/the beginning of the day.
We talked about introversion - how it's more than often portrayed as a sinful life-style, detrimental to the growth and well-being of the community of believers. I'm starting to not think so, though.
Introverts and Extroverts all sin. Both orientations, I think - or should I even say, both propensities/tendencies/personalities, objectively, don't seem to be any more sinful than the other. I would seem as though they both create unique avenues for the cultivation of the same kinds of sin - just worked out in different ways. Both can be just as sinful, and both can be just as God-honoring, provided the righteousness of the Lord is duely applied.
I had a good talk with a friend, just now, standing in the door way. For the short duration of the actual talk, we probably talked outselves out - provided it was the end of the night/the beginning of the day.
We talked about introversion - how it's more than often portrayed as a sinful life-style, detrimental to the growth and well-being of the community of believers. I'm starting to not think so, though.
Introverts and Extroverts all sin. Both orientations, I think - or should I even say, both propensities/tendencies/personalities, objectively, don't seem to be any more sinful than the other. I would seem as though they both create unique avenues for the cultivation of the same kinds of sin - just worked out in different ways. Both can be just as sinful, and both can be just as God-honoring, provided the righteousness of the Lord is duely applied.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
5 montheroos!
whelp - my girlfriend wrote a post about me...
she's really amazing... she's way more than I could ever deserve... and that's the nicest stuff anyone's ever written about me, everrr.
(she's awfully pretty)
Monday, January 19, 2009
thoughts 3
Sometimes it gets really loud out in the hall. Right now it sounds like someone's being kidnapped. He probably is.
Gunner delivered a great message this morning in chapel. I felt like all of it hit me where I was at. As I've been here at the college, I've been challenged, I've been convicted, I've been encouraged and I've been moved to tears by the things that have come from the pulpit. Today was the first message that really stood out as something that my flesh had to wrestle with, because it hit me so hard where I was at. It was hard to sit through.
Recently I've been thinking it would be great if I didn't have any emotions, at all. That's kind of unrealistic... but sometimes if I feel like, if could just be completely objective, I would be much more effective in a lot of the things I did. That's a little vain, though - a vain pursuit. One of my older brothers reminded me, not so long ago, that a lot (if not all) men in Scripture were fairly candid with their emotions - and he exhorted me to still hold on to that.
I think I one of those generally-applicable things I've always heard about guys (us men folk), and something that I've actually always kind of cringed at the thought of when I thought about whether or not it was applicable to me, is the stereotype that guys shut down when they over-load emotionally. I've been finding more, though, as I've gotten older that certain things do definitely put me into shut down mode. sometimes it's hard to find the on switch or a place to plug me in.
I've found that I've grown greatly as a leader, by the grace of the Lord, as someone who can process things more objectively - at least in comparison to how I would recently process things. I still find, though, that I hit my limits. Part of me really wants to internalize everything.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
oxyclean
We ate at wing stop earlier today, after Church - and we had a grand ol' time. It was definitely great getting to eat with some good friends again, after a season of vacation. Through out the course of lunch, some how (not surprisingly) I managed to get some barbecue sauce on my pants. I didn't get any on Erin, so that's good - at any rate, I decided to try and give the OxyClean another go (I got some red sauce on my shirt/tie earlier in the week... disaster), so I sprayed some of that stuff on my leg.
yikes. We just finished up with Spring WOW and T&L stuff, and we're about to jump into the semester. This week definitely left me with a lot to think about, for sure...
I might have to shoot over to the 24 hour walmart in just a sec.
it's a bit late
Thursday, January 15, 2009
thoughts 2
I took my coat off, a little while ago, and placed it on the corner of my bed.
I thought about slipping my neck tie off my head like I did the other night, but decided it'd just be better to tie it (better) in the morning - so I took it completely off. I took off my dress shirt, put it on the quilt that Erin gave me, texted her a couple of times, and put some oxi-clean on the red sauce stains on some of my clothes.
The stains came out of the tie, for sure. But the dress shirt - not so sure.
I looked at myself in the mirror, though, with my black a-shirt and my low-rise kakis that we scored at a really sweet discount price at Target.
And I thought to myself: "I could work full time, again."
And I'd love to.
This week's been really busy - and I've loved it. Pete's doing a great job, and I've really enjoyed working with everyone on the council. I've had a great time being with the new students, but most of all, I've had an excellent time hosting Dr. Erwin Lutzer.
We were turning the corner off of McBean towards the strip by the Hyatt, when he turned to me and said:
"Well, my dear friend: it would seem that there are, indeed, dark days ahead for the Church."
It was the first time I'd thought about some of the greater implications of the utter reality of the Lord's ordination of our ministry at this particular time in American History with a substantial ammount of anticipation, and maybe even a little bit of fear.
It was also one of the most substantial moments of affirmation, in the pursuit of church-planting in Boulder.
All of a sudden, everything else seemed less scarey.
My heart is beating a little bit harder... and I'm excited.
I stopped at McDonalds, after Target. I got a coke, but I don't think I'm going to finish it. It doesn't taste that great.
I thought about slipping my neck tie off my head like I did the other night, but decided it'd just be better to tie it (better) in the morning - so I took it completely off. I took off my dress shirt, put it on the quilt that Erin gave me, texted her a couple of times, and put some oxi-clean on the red sauce stains on some of my clothes.
The stains came out of the tie, for sure. But the dress shirt - not so sure.
I looked at myself in the mirror, though, with my black a-shirt and my low-rise kakis that we scored at a really sweet discount price at Target.
And I thought to myself: "I could work full time, again."
And I'd love to.
This week's been really busy - and I've loved it. Pete's doing a great job, and I've really enjoyed working with everyone on the council. I've had a great time being with the new students, but most of all, I've had an excellent time hosting Dr. Erwin Lutzer.
We were turning the corner off of McBean towards the strip by the Hyatt, when he turned to me and said:
"Well, my dear friend: it would seem that there are, indeed, dark days ahead for the Church."
It was the first time I'd thought about some of the greater implications of the utter reality of the Lord's ordination of our ministry at this particular time in American History with a substantial ammount of anticipation, and maybe even a little bit of fear.
It was also one of the most substantial moments of affirmation, in the pursuit of church-planting in Boulder.
All of a sudden, everything else seemed less scarey.
My heart is beating a little bit harder... and I'm excited.
I stopped at McDonalds, after Target. I got a coke, but I don't think I'm going to finish it. It doesn't taste that great.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
thoughts 1
I was in the caf the other day (monday), sitting with some wowies. We had gyros that day, for lunch. Maza bread, with some meat.
And I never really know how to eat those things... whether I should fold them up, break it into pieces, or what. Usually I feel like the maza is pretty dry, but I like it and I'll usually eat it anyways, but I usually need something to drink.
I've been pretty thirsty (naturally) since I've come back to the canyon. That's pretty normal. I'm used to getting really dehydrated and needing to re-climatize, when I come back here. It's been especially hot and dry these last few days, though - especially in light of the fact that it's only January.
Soda isn't always the best thing to drink out here, especially when it's hot and dry. I ended up getting grape juice. While I struggled for a bit to figure out how to eat my gyro (I'm realizing at this point in the blog that I've been calling them pin wheels. problem corrected...), eventually I came to a point where I realized I'd eaten all the meat.
All I had was maza bread, and grape juice. I put the maza bread in my mouth, I drank the grape juice. I looked down at my plate and my heart sunk.
And I never really know how to eat those things... whether I should fold them up, break it into pieces, or what. Usually I feel like the maza is pretty dry, but I like it and I'll usually eat it anyways, but I usually need something to drink.
I've been pretty thirsty (naturally) since I've come back to the canyon. That's pretty normal. I'm used to getting really dehydrated and needing to re-climatize, when I come back here. It's been especially hot and dry these last few days, though - especially in light of the fact that it's only January.
Soda isn't always the best thing to drink out here, especially when it's hot and dry. I ended up getting grape juice. While I struggled for a bit to figure out how to eat my gyro (I'm realizing at this point in the blog that I've been calling them pin wheels. problem corrected...), eventually I came to a point where I realized I'd eaten all the meat.
All I had was maza bread, and grape juice. I put the maza bread in my mouth, I drank the grape juice. I looked down at my plate and my heart sunk.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I was born
So it's definitely my birthday.
And for some reason, I can't help but to think we've got it all wrong all these years. Not the day, no... as in, not the 'date' - I'm pretty sure (we're all pretty sure) I was born on January 9th, 1987.
But in terms of... the celebration of the day. I think we all feel entitled to at least (and if we want to be honest with ourselves... we feel entitled to more than just) our birthday, out of the entire year. But why?
Why should I feel entitled to anything at all?
I'm entitled to death and judgment. Kind of bleak for a birthday blog, huh? Bleak, perhaps... but more so, probably the most honest assessment I can give, at this point.
I want to make my birthday about other people. That'll be hard, at first... but maybe not as hard as it would be with out the Lord. I've had 22 of these things, now - 22 of them, and they've all been about me... but what better day to try and honor YHWH than your own birthday?
Snap.
On a side note....
It's pretty windy, outside... and warm... and it's awesome. And we get internet from Centre Point Church in this one little (and comfy) spot on the couch. The new laptop is holding up well and things are looking good :) Erin Augustson is amazing and I got a call from my parents this morning wishing me a very happy birthday.
and Erin and I took 176 pictures on my webcam in 1 night. :)
And for some reason, I can't help but to think we've got it all wrong all these years. Not the day, no... as in, not the 'date' - I'm pretty sure (we're all pretty sure) I was born on January 9th, 1987.
But in terms of... the celebration of the day. I think we all feel entitled to at least (and if we want to be honest with ourselves... we feel entitled to more than just) our birthday, out of the entire year. But why?
Why should I feel entitled to anything at all?
I'm entitled to death and judgment. Kind of bleak for a birthday blog, huh? Bleak, perhaps... but more so, probably the most honest assessment I can give, at this point.
I want to make my birthday about other people. That'll be hard, at first... but maybe not as hard as it would be with out the Lord. I've had 22 of these things, now - 22 of them, and they've all been about me... but what better day to try and honor YHWH than your own birthday?
Snap.
On a side note....
It's pretty windy, outside... and warm... and it's awesome. And we get internet from Centre Point Church in this one little (and comfy) spot on the couch. The new laptop is holding up well and things are looking good :) Erin Augustson is amazing and I got a call from my parents this morning wishing me a very happy birthday.
and Erin and I took 176 pictures on my webcam in 1 night. :)
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